More Childhood Pyromania

Like I said yesterday, one of my few regular chores was taking out the trash and as I got older, burning it.  In our small town, the city only picked up our trash a couple of times a month.  So, we burned it in our trash barrels at least a couple of times between pick-ups.  I don't remember if there was a regular pick-up schedule, or if Don just came by when he had time.  He was kind of the do-everything city employee.  I think he was the maintenance department, animal control, and waste management department combined.  Anyway at least a couple of times that I can remember, Don provided our entertainment on a summer day.  Burning trash in the barrel and an irregular pick-up schedule was a dangerous combination.  Trash burned the day before the pick up would not be flaming, but would be smoldering.  Smoldering trash compacted on top of the other trash would eventually produce a flaming garbage truck.  I remember Bobby and I racing our bikes down the street trying to keep up with Don as he sped through town to the city dump with flames trailing out the back of the truck.

I also remember a scary trash burning incident with Jeff. We had difficulty getting the trash in his alley to burn.  His parents had their own gas tank, unfortunately within fairly easy reach of the trash barrels.  After several failed attempts to get the trash to burn, we had the brilliant idea to pour gasoline on the trash.  The tank had a long hose and just reached the barrel.  A few cautious shots of gasoline were dumped on top of the trash.  Being reasonably intelligent boys, we took the hose back to the tank before trying to light the trash.  Jeff lit a match on the side of the barrel and tossed it in.  Instantly there was a fwoomp and the flames shot up out of the barrel, just like in the cartoons!  And just like in the cartoons, the trail of gasoline that dripped down the side of the barrel to the ground and along the wooden fence toward the gas tank also lit up.  I stomped on as much as I could and Jeff ran for the water hose, which of course reached almost to the fire.  Fortunately for us, the gasoline trailed out into the dirt of the alley before crossing back into the grass to the gas tank.  The gasoline burned off before the flames had a chance to get back to the dry grass.  That was end of my trash burning career, and probably for Jeff too.

Back to Don, the city worker, he also drove the truck that sprayed for mosquitoes in the summer.  That was another form of entertainment for Bobby, Jeff, and me.  We would chase behind the truck on our bicycles, inhaling the ddt fog that would keep the mosquitoes from carrying us away.  There's a line in a James McMurtry song titled, 12 O'Clock Whistle,that says about DDT, "that stuff won't hurt you none, the neighbor lady'd say, but encephalitis, now that'll ruin your day. "If you like country-folk-rock music, I'd recommend James McMurtry.  And this one,It Had to Happen, is my favorite album. For some reason, this song reminds me of spending time in the summer with my Grandma Mae. Besides how can anyone resist a song that successfully works "encephalitis" into its lyrics!

Rednecks, Global Warming and President Obama

I'm almost starting to feel sorry for the global warming guys.  Not only are real scientists backpedaling faster than Deion Sanders, but now it's snowing in Texas!  My cousin posted photos on Facebook of his redneck snow skis. 

For those of you with more education than imagination, redneck snow skis consist of old cowboy boots, a couple of 1x8's, a few nails, and plenty of duct tape (he may have used bailing wire).  Now plenty of people would make the skis, take a couple of pictures, post them and get a few good laughs.  But that's the difference between posers and real rednecks.  A real redneck has to actually put his creation to use.  And my cousin is a real redneck!  Very few people go snow skiing in north Texas.  And for good reason.  It's pretty flat.  So how to use the skis?  Duh, that's why God made ATV's!

Now you know what purpose redneck kids serve?  If you are driving the ATV, who's going to ski behind it?  Your kids of course!  They heal quicker, just in case there's a design flaw.  

It looks like they had lots of fun and without any injuries.  And that's what really matters.  You're probably wondering if there are any redneck moms?  Of course there are.  Who do you think took the pictures?


I know that a snowstorm in Texas, or two, or three don't mean that global warming is not a problem.  Or that a year or two years, or fifteen years of cooling temperatures don't mean that we are in a cooling trend. They already fell for that one back in the mid-1970's.  Scientists lose a little credibility when they alternate their panic over global cooling (1968-1978) with panic over global warming (1996-now).  They finally wised up and changed the name to Climate Change.  That should cover all the bases now.

People like President Obama and former vice-president, internet creator, and global warming climate change guru, Al Gore don't understand rednecks.  They mistake a redneck's humor, creativity, and common sense for ignorance.  At least in my experience, the redneck is closer to the average U.S. citizen than our President thinks.  The redneck is your neighbor that comes to help you cut up the tree that the storm knocked over in your driveway.  Sure, any excuse to get the chainsaw out, but he also wants to help.  The redneck is the one that drags the 2.5 ton jack out of the back of his truck (yes, it's got a hemi) to help you change the flat on your Prius.  The redneck mom is the one who brings you peanut butter cookies when you move into a new neighborhood, and offers to watch your kids anytime you need.  The redneck is the one who helps you put a new commode in your bathroom so you don't have to hire a plumber.  And the redneck wife recycles it.  I doubt Al Gore replaces his own commode.  And I will guarantee that if he did, Tipper would NOT use it for a flower planter on the front lawn.

While campaigning, candidate Obama said that in tough times, some Americans "cling to their guns and their religion."  For once he was right.  Where he was wrong was in thinking that that was a bad thing.  He and many others in politics, the media, and education underestimate the "redneckedness" of the average American.  We do cling to our guns and religion,in addition to our other rights granted by our Creator, and guaranteed by our Constitution.  That is what the Tea Party movement has been about.  Hopefully some real redneck leaders will come to the front and our country will get out of the mess we are in.  In the meantime, let's go skiing.